


Words That Illuminate and Hurt

by lawgoddess



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: M/M, Merlin canonfest 2017
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-20
Updated: 2017-09-20
Packaged: 2018-12-31 20:42:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 573
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12140730
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lawgoddess/pseuds/lawgoddess
Summary: Gwen spies on Arthur, and learns something she would rather not know.





	Words That Illuminate and Hurt

**Author's Note:**

> An additional scene for Merlin Season 5, Episode 5, The Disir. Written for Merlin Canonfest 2017.

And then he said, “I haven’t seen you smile these three days.”

The queen’s heart seemed to stop for a moment, but then she smiled at her page, Ranulf, and said, “And what did Merlin say to the king?”

“Just that there wasn’t much to smile about. And then he walked away.”

Ranulf was only eight, but he had been Gwen’s page since he was five, and he was a bright and trustworthy boy. He loved her, and she knew that his loyalty was only to her.  


He was an appealing child, with blue eyes that reminded her a bit of Arthur. She had found him half dead from starvation and lung disease in the lower town, and had brought him back to the castle and nursed him to health. 

On bad days, she thought he was the only child she was likely to have.

She regretted the necessity of setting him to spy on Arthur, but a queen needed her own sources of information. Particularly a low-born queen, who lacked a powerful family to protect her interests. And particularly a queen who had not produced an heir.

She heard the gossip at court, whispers that it would be in Camelot’s best interests for Arthur to put her aside and take another wife who could give him strong sons. People had said to her face that Uther had been foolish not to remarry and give the kingdom the proverbial spare prince. She knew it was a veiled reference to her barrenness.

She used to weep in her rooms over such spiteful comments, but now she held her head high and answered the rudeness with a cold stare.

She knew that Arthur loved her, but she sometimes wondered if it was the kind of love that usually existed between a man and a woman. His mother had died bringing him into the world, and he had never had much in the way of maternal affection. Arthur had told her once that Uther never let him keep the same nurse for more than a year when he was a young child, so he never had a consistent relationship with a mother figure.

 _Until me_ , she thought, with a touch of bitterness. 

“Are you all right, milady?” Ranulf asked. The child was always quick to read her moods.

She forced herself to smile at him, despite the anxiety swirling in her gut. “I’m fine. And it is time for you to be in your bed.” She handed him a gold coin and bade him goodnight.  


Alone in her chambers, she pondered what Ranulf had reported to her.

She knew that Arthur and Merlin had a bond so strong that others often felt shut out. 

At the beginning of her relationship with Arthur, she told herself that their closeness was only natural. Merlin was Arthur’s body servant. He helped him dress and bathe, and spent many hours with him every day. Arthur valued Merlin’s opinions, and Merlin was not afraid to give them.

But since her wedding, she had grown jealous of their intimacy. She saw how Arthur’s eyes tracked Merlin in a room, and how he casually touched Merlin much more often than he touched her.

And now her husband was counting Merlin’s smiles. 

She couldn’t lie to herself any longer.

She wondered how long it would take them to figure out what they were to each other. And what she would do when they did.


End file.
